Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Absenteeism in it's finest!

I apologize for abandoning my readers last month.  Between my computer breaking down on me, and having to say my goodbyes as my husband boarded another bus headed for the great sandbox in attempt to fight for our country my heart just wasn't in it.  If that wasn't enough to cause my heart pain, my life outside the bricked walls of my house have effected me in such a way that its been hard to focus on any aspect of my life let alone the blog I use as my outlet to the world.

I find that writing poetry is almost like a drug to me.  In order to escape the emotions that plague my insides and cause me to be miserable and sad, even angry, I can just pick up a pen and pad of paper (Computer) and leak out the emotions on to the paper (type) and express my feelings before I overdose on the emotion.  So with that in mind and the over abundance of icky drama swirling around me lately I picked up my laptop and and wrote a poem.  The goosebumps prickling my skin as I sliced my flesh and oozed the writing vein of emotion all over the screen.  (Not literally) But as the famous quote by ~Walter Wellesley "Red" Smith says There's nothing to writing.  All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein.  

I opened my own vein and afterward I felt rejuvenated, peaceful even. I no longer felt the burden in my chest that the pain was causing me and I realized I had just released heartfelt, pure, raw emotion and it erupted into a poem I can't help but be proud of.  Now I would like to share it with my readers.

By Vanessa Kelly

The end is near,
Sanity driven thoughts fading in the distance.
As I lay in wait for the answers that never come.

Why are those with kind hearts walked upon?
Trampled like the dying grass on a cold autumn day?

I pored my heart on the platter,
awaiting to be accepted and gobbled up.
Only to be met with dry mouths and broken dreams.

Is this how it feels to be murdered,
pulling the knife from between my shoulder blades,
only to feel the burning sensation as it sears the flesh on my wrists.

I feel lost,
alone in the darkness without a flashlight. 

Searching for the acceptance I long for.

Why are you saying goodbye?
Running for the nearest exit as I grab the invisible strings attempting to pull you back.
I finally connected to another soul,
only to once again meet Disappointment face to face.
Hello old friend,
Hello my enemy,
Again we fight for my happiness,
Again you win blindsiding me with drama.

Is friendship so meaningless that its this easy to take away?
Only to be met with a backside to my face as you walk out the door.
I thought it would be different this time,
The connection flowing like the sands in and hourglass.
as it sinks to the pits of my souls and turns over to once again to repeat the process.
A hour glass now cracked and spilling the emotional pieces of sand that tear from my eyes.

Fate has broken down the door and given me the pleasure of knowing you,
Hell in human form dictating you to turn away from me and not look back.
A broken record continues to serenade the song of sorrow that plays in my heart
as I await Disappointment's re-occurrence in my life.
Hello old friend we meet again . . .
How are you?
Disappointed as usual . . .
Who are these?
Oh this is hope, and this optimism;
their swords outstretched and ready to bring on the attack.

I haven't given up this time,
And though my heart aches for that broken friendship,
a band-aid waits in the distance ready to cover the gap hell in human form has caused between us.
Time awaiting the day when all the drama will subside,
and once again happiness fills my empty soul,
My dark dreams grizzled and singed,
opening to the light and gay butterflies that dance in the fields.
Who has the last laugh now Disappointment.
It is I alone but strong, optimistic and crazy.
But true in the midst of everything.
your friend forever.

So there you have it my soul bared and for you to read . . .take it as you will but whether or not you accept the poetry for what it is.  It's real . . . It's raw . . . It's me.   Thanks for Reading and I promise to write more soon.

What's For Dinner Tonight:  SUBWAY EAT FRESH

Kid Quote of the Day:  My Daughter:   That's my little brother Logan.
                                                           Clerk at store Smiles
                                                           My Daughter: We call him Captain Destructo
                                                           Clerk: Captain Destructo?
                                                           Me:  Well he is!

Song of the Day:  Trapt- These Walls

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